omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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