if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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