Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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