btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
