So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
