she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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