I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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