her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
