I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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