i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
