Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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