Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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