Where is the hickey?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
