There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
