We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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