Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
