Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
