Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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