You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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