so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
