You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
