so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
