Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
