I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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