i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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