i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
