i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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