Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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