First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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