I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
