It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
