wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
