just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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