It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
