Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
