Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
