So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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