I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Moan for me like Helen Keller
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
