Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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