Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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