Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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