we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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