Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
