i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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