Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
