actually, I'm a sock model
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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