I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
