She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
