I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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