Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you win again, gameday.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
