im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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