Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
