is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
