R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
