My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
