Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
