the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
